Earth’s Eminent Doom!

by Rebecca Gioioso

TO:;;;; (+73 more)

Subject: earth’s eminent doom!!!!

From: Sam Hayes (

After sitting awake in my dorm room for the past half hour thinking about this, I’ve decided I must take action. I can’t watch the clock tick anymore in the countdown to our planet’s annihilation. I feel it is my responsibility to educate you on the problems that your countries are causing the planet. Now, you may be sitting there in your big offices thinking, “What qualifies this kid to tell us how to solve our greediness and wastefulness?” Let me stop you right there. For starters, I’ve already finished my first semester of college. Though I’ve never held a real job before, my parents have been letting me babysit my little sister since I was 16. I mow my grandparents’ lawn every summer, and I’m almost positive they would vouch for my intelligence. If you need references, you can reach them at (555) 307-0440, though you should probably make sure you call before 9 PM.

Hearing people around the world and even in my dorm discuss the eminent doom of earth tends to leave everyone a bit depressed, but that doesn’t mean your careless actions should be ignored. We’ve all heard the science data telling us that the planet can only hold the growing population for another 50 years (Townsend). It’s common knowledge that our oil reserves can only last for another 40 years, copper will be used up in 61 years, and earth only has enough coal to last a little over a century (“Non-renewable Energy Resources”). Yet with these important resources running out quickly, other countries have become increasingly selfish while America takes only what is absolutely necessary.

The first matter on the agenda is energy and resource consumption. America is constantly being singled out for our energy consumption, but provided that we make up a colossal 5% of the world population, we need that energy, and more. Our frugal country only consumes 20% of the world’s resources, and produces a mere four times the amount of garbage as most countries (“Population and Energy Consumption”). Americans are known for our large physiques, and although we are the bulkiest country on the planet, we hardly consume four times as much food as the global average. If anything, Americans are being much too generous to the rest of the world.

Populations are the second topic of concern. Based on recent global events, I know we are all concerned about the growing population of China. Chinese women are having an average of 1.55 children, which will prove to be the downfall of our planet in only a short matter of time (“China Total Fertility Rate”). They have been praised for their 17% consumption of the world’s resources, but they only make up a measly 20% of the world population (“Population and Energy Consumption”). Is China really doing enough for the world to make us ignore the fact that nearly one fifth of all world resources are going there?

As for the third issue, let’s talk about the country that will save us all, and how it plans to do so. America is continuously working to improve earth. The fertility rate in the United States has fallen under replacement level in the past few decades. This means that American couples are having an average of less than two children between them, causing our population to decline. While our country is actively trying to stop the overpopulation problem, women in other countries, like India, are having whole litters of children. It only takes the consumption of ten Indian children to equal the consumption of one American child; and what do these children really contribute to the world? Absolutely nothing. Children in America grow up to be lawyers, doctors, and scientists. Clearly, these are the children who should be showered with our world’s resources.

American children are also the obvious ones to come up with solutions to these problems, given that thousands of brilliant Americans are enrolled in top colleges across our country to become scientists. Around 8.8% of college students graduate with degrees in biological, physical, or computer and information science (Newman). These good Americans are the people that will work for solutions to save our planet so that the rest of us Americans can sit back and relax.

In order for Americans to continue to prosper and provide important services to the rest of the world, our ecological footprint needs to increase from the low 15.99 that it is today (“Ecological Footprint Statistics”). By continuing to take resources from countries like China, which has an incredibly sized 1.84 ecological footprint, and India, whose footprint has soared to reaching a new height of 1.06, we can ensure our future as the most accommodating and intelligent country on earth (“Ecological Footprint Statistics”).

I understand that the world cannot be fixed in a day, or even by the end of second semester, but I ask that you acknowledge how self-seeking your countries are becoming. As America continues to work towards improving the world in every way, I ask that your countries help us by reducing your population growth and resource consumption so that Americans flourish as needed to save the planet.

In the name of improvement,

Sam Hayes


P.S. All that being said, China and India are not the only countries destroying earth, though they are the biggest threats. To all you other countries out there: you know who you are, and after you read this email, I expect to see a massive decrease in your populations and resource consumptions as well.


Works Cited

Balance, n.d. Web. 26 Nov. 2012.

“China Total Fertility Rate.” – Demographics. IndexMundi, n.d. Web. 29 Nov. 2012.

“Ecological Footprint Statistics.” NationMaster, n.d. Web. 26 Nov. 2012.

Newman, Rick. “Where the Jobs Are, and the College Grads Aren’t.” US News. U.S.News & World Report, 14 May 2012. Web. 26 Nov. 2012.

“Non-renewable Energy Resources.” Science Online. Actis, n.d. Web. 26 Nov. 2012.

“Population and Energy Consumption.” World Population Balance. World Population

Townsend, Mark, and Jason Burke. “Earth ‘will Expire by 2050′” The Guardian. Guardian News and Media, 06 July 2002. Web. 26 Nov. 2012.